Christmas magic: More Merry than a free Blackberry.
*No Art. Finally we get to enjoy the Art of Cooking, the Art of Drinking (good quality wines for a change) even the Art of Caroling if you super traditional. The Art of Living without Art.
* Animal motives in knitwear: I know I know... but hear me out. If you are looking for one sign He is The One, a nice Reindeer head smiling at you (carefull not from the wall of His appartement, but from His pullover- that is it. Anyone who has humour enough to pull that off is super cool. CAREFULL: Animal socks also super sexy, scarfs and hats kind of ok, underwear-deal breaker.
*The Christmas tree- Oh Tannenbaum! It is majestic, it is magical and it is the place where you find the gifts. Who of us has not spend night after night lying underneath the old C tree looking at the lights above and shaking the packets to see what is what... Lately I prefer it without ornaments as in Oho House or outside Odessa Bar- tres chic! Too bad they cannot make a soup out of all the thrown away trees after the holidays as with the pumpkins after Halloween. Tannenbaum+ginger soup?
*Buying beautiful presents for the people you love. (and silly presents for the people you don’t love). What if everything will be cheaper in one month's time? What if you cannot make out the dress hangers from the hands hey.. it is all about the hunt. But ladies, please leave your boyfriends at home. It is hard to watch and they just take up space.
*Christmas Parties! Partying/going out everyday is not news for the art scene. But first of all, dragging your smoked up art piece from opening to opening is not really partying, second these are the two- three weeks of the year, when e-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y is up for it—office parties, private parties, never ending dinner parties, high school reunions, goodbye parties- you name it- it’s all happening in the next 2 weeks - the last Hurrah before the winter sleep.
*Family Reunion. This point might slip back and forth from Magic to Tragic over the holidays. Admittedly, the usual techniques we use at openings when we don’t know somebody’s name will not work when you don’t remember the name of the wife (or child!) of your cousin and there are only so many times you can smile with the joke “It is Art, ha?“. Then again we are now at the age where we can get trashed with our folks and that has proven time and time again to be very entertaining (and informative if you play your cards right).
*Galleries Christmas Wishes. It probably is just me, but I find these half baked attempts at cordiality or in the even more awkward cases: spirituality, extremely entertaining.
*Holidays Food. Especially because I am not the one doing having to do the cooking.
*Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer. As silly as that, it will always make me smile and sing along.
Christmas tragic: Lamer than lamé
*Glühwein. No offense to the German Ouzo but.. I don’t know which Uwe had the idea that if you warm up bad quality red wine it will taste less acid. It does not. Keep those silly customised cups away from me too. The only thing I like to drink warm is a spiced chocolate fondue.
*Lebkuchen and co. Germans are not really big on pastries any time of the year, and we have learned to live with that, but the christmas “treats” are just tragic—Lebkuchen has as much to do with chocolate as Leberkäse has to do with cheese and both taste…just wrong. Not to mention this heart shaped disasters with the inscription “Ich hab dich Lieb”. Then there is this "Stolle" thing, looks like a sugar coated loaf of bread, more or less also tastes like that and you could actually use it to knock somebody out. No thanks.
*People saying this is a holiday for children. (What about me??) Children happen to have a very short memory, they will probably not remember the X logo or playmobil came from auntie D or auntie C; if they made 2 or 10 rounds on that carousell while you freeze your ass off.
*People saying, Cheer up!...It 's Christmas (alternatively: Don't be sad it's Christmas, or Don't be so Bitchy-It's Christmas).
*Bad breath Santa, Paper Santa, Bear Santa, Elvis Santa, BVG Santa. I am more than willing to play along with any kind of magical thinking that would justify my overpriced present list, always was. Just don’t make me sit on the lap of somebody with a fake beard and a funny breath, asking me if I was a good girl. There are soooo many things, so wrong with this. And let us please get rid of the Baby Jesus crippy cribs too, half of the children out there don’t even know the story anymore. Surely on the age of the Bible app, the whole religious lametta can take some abstraction.
*Seasonal charity. Do they know it is Christmas time at all…A silly second hand toy and ten euro a year will not do the trick. You know what to do, and that you have to do it regardless of season. Especially if you work in the art scene and (as risky business as it is) your profits overcome any rational rate; and let’s be honest with all that back stabbing- you need the good karma. By the by there is a third addition to the homeless scene in Mitte, besides the guy reading books under the bridge at the end of Rosa Luxemburg str and the guy sleeping at the doorstep of the Volksbühne Pavillion, when they have no shows. Now there is a couple sleeping in the Post office on Tor str, very carefully staged to make you spend the most humilating minutes of your life(and hopefully some money) if you go in to use the cash mashine. They even have a Christmas scented candle to mix with the homeless odeur.
*That Wham song.That also rates from love to hate. It is the acoustical equivalent of a bag of crips left open; and hey I love crips. On the other hand, if nothing else fails to notify you...this songs means: It is Christmas!
Rachel the Book Hook ( I hope that does not stick) told me about the NY Magazine- Gossip Girl Recaps, where they use a More Real than and a More Fake than point system to comment on the unlikelyhood, soap-iness of each episode. Of course I had to try it myself. I left out the point system as math confuse me and adapted it to Berlin and well..christmas. Should you feel inclined to add your own Christmas magic to Christmas tragic comments, please do so below.