I am a reluctant Happy New Year wisher but goddammit this year I was gonna do it. Except I didn't have time. The balloons from our NYE party are still on the floor. The flowers my friends brought are still in the vase. But their home is gone. Is this the first natural disaster of my life? my 8-year-old asks me. Well...there was that global pandemic. And that time a giant snowstorm blocked our whole neighborhood in Athens... twice in two years. Trump. Also twice. What did we decide to do about climate change, I forget. 

We are in a frenzy to move away from this new layer of unprocessed trauma. Let's get "back to normal" or this is "the new normal". Let's get it. Donate donate donate. It is mind-boggling to me how much Americans rely on private donations and community work because they know the system is going to F them over. If we can come together so swiftly, so decisively on the micro level to help each other why can't we come together for any real change to improve our lives in this country?!! This is the richest country in the world and we are microdosing privilege.

You can put your china in the pool to save them from the fire. Or you can drain your pool to save the house you know what I mean? Priorities.

Now my feed has rubble footage from Gaza AND Los Angeles, but wait, I live here. Will people gain a new understanding of the slogan "We are All Palestinians" now? We are stuck in a System that does not prioritize care, that does not prioritize human life. Why isn't anyone shouting how wasteful AI is for the environment??!!! People from Europe keep asking me are you ok, are you ok, even though I marked myself safe. WTF.. I did. I think what they are asking is are we going to be ok? I don't know. It doesn't look like it.

The weather today is a quintessential LA day. Perfect sunny day. As if nothing ever happened. People want to help out but we are shifting shit around town like there is no tomorrow. I don't know what is scarier, the fact that the weather has been so dry we can go up in flames at any minute when it is windy, or the fact that Angeleno households on average buy ten times the shit they need. The city is overflowing with donations, all this shit was in people's closets! I have girl clothes in my house but no girl living with me. 

Discomfort needs to be sat with. Emotions need to be lived, and this one is a doozy. It feels like shit. It is scary, it is shocking. I sent my friend an Excel list with the items she needs to REBUILD, I said I can help you get them its Itemgeddon right now. She said, but my fridge magnets...